Busy Bee's!

Well, the title says it all. Busy! All the time. Tj has been working a lot this week, (including today) its been a blessing on the money side, but sad on the "being together side". Aiden and I are heading out on Tues for 3 weeks, so that kinda makes him working a lot even worse. That long away from the hubs again is...well....i dont want to think about it! :/ Its bittersweet. As much as I want to be with my family and friends, I also want my hubby there too. Oh well, hopefully next time. Trips are just so expensive... 

Please keep Aiden and I in your prayers during our flights. Flying can be fun, I used to love it, but with a little (almost) 2 year old that fun...turns into stress. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I get so tense. So just pray for safety, my nerves, for patience and understanding for both of us. Thanks friends. 

Gary Allan concert!

It was so awesome! I haven't been to a concert in quite some time so it was nice to finally be in that rush of craziness! Being a performer must be one of the best experiences! I would just love to be on stage every night, crowds screaming, loud music :) So fun!!!!!

After the concert I kinda snuck to the back by the buses and then i kinda got on the bus and kinda met Gary Allan and his entire band! HA! It was awesome!!!!!!!! These guys we're so nice. Rach and I got to hang out with them for a while and we just had a blast.

It's hard sometimes to forget that the people we view as famous are just regular people. They go through the same things we do, they have families, they have feelings, they are real. We forget, they are doing their job, a job they LOVE I'm sure, but there is so much more to their lives than just performing on a stage for us. I will never look at a celebrity the same. 

I love Gary Allan, he is such a talented artist, but my eyes were stuck to Jaime Hanna most of the night :) He is in the band for Gary, and what a talented guy he is! I looked up some of his music and he is pretty dang good! If he ever has a solo act, i will be following him!!! 

The concert was amazing, the after party for 4 hours on the bus was even more amazing :) Such a great group of guys and so much fun!!!! :)

Here are a few pictures:

Me with Jaime Hanna!!! =)

The four of us girls!
Us girls with CJ
Rachel, our new friends Ciera and Kayla, Me and Jaime Hanna
Rachel & me with Jaime Hanna
Rachel & Me with Levi

Jaime Hanna & Gary Allan
Gary Allan
Jaime Hanna =) I was so LOVIN that Kilt! 

Me and Rachel on our way to the concert!

skype..whoa!

I finally ventured into the skype world when i realized just how awesome it was. Jordan was over the other day (well most days) but this particular day we were talking to Joe who is in South Korea on Skype :) I was so fascinated by the entire situation i knew i had to get in the world. So i did. The Skype world that is. Thankfully we have a computer, a mac, its amazing, but its older so we needed to get a camera for it. It was a rough two day process but finally tonight we got it working! I talked to my best friend and my heart was SOOOO happy! It was so good to see her beautiful face....as i was talking to her....like i was there!!! The technology these days just blows me away!!!! So Trey, my cousin who is stationed in Japan has skype, soon our times will match up so we can talk and on that day my heart will be SOOOOOO filled with joy, i just might explode! Its been too long since ive talked to him and i am looking forward to it! I'll be traveling with aiden back to pensacola in a couple weeks so im going to get my parents all set up on Skype too, so we can all chat and see each other ALL the time! I just wish i would have done this sooner! HAPPY DAY!

This is my prayer

Give me strength God, when i dont see what you have in store for us, it seems so far off. You know, you have the whole plan. Help me to trust you. Im stuck,we are stuck...where do we move from here. Help me be humble. Help me see that you have complete control. I want to trust you unconditionally. Put a smile back on my face, take the worry from my heart and my mind. Give me strength God. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jerimiah 29:11

I haven't updated in a while! Whats new in the O'Connors lives???? =)

I have been doing good on my weight loss :) It makes me happy! Im only 20 pounds away from my goal weight! I've lost 10 pounds just in the last couple weeks! Im feeling GOOD! It's so hard to lose weight and it takes MUCH discipline, but im determined this time more than ever to get rid of the fatness! 

We have been so busy lately with parties, get-to-togethers, weekend trips & random things going on all through the week. Today is a relaxing day...well morning, we are watching Lina this afternoon, and that is not considered relaxing! Between her and Aiden our house is a crazy disaster when they are done with it! Hopefully today will be an easy day. Jambalya for dinner! YUM! Its been quite some time since i made that and we are looking foward to it! 

Well, thats all i have for now! Love love love!

Hope you are all doing well!

I have so many things going around in my head...im not sure how much a should put on here but...here it goes!

I spent 3 nights in a row going out or partying, i must say its not fun. It may be fun while its happening, but consuming that much alcohol to entertain and keep my friends is not worth it to me. The next day after is depressing, all i do is think of how much people dont like me, everything thats wrong with me, how fat i am, im just so negative and not much fun. Every once in a while is okay with me, but i really dont see much enjoyment in it. I want to focus on other things. Making new friends is great, but if i only see those friends when i am out drinking/partying...how much of a friend are they? So, not much drinking for me. I want to be with friends without alcohol and if thats not possible....then, hmmm.....no friend.

Im doing good on my weight loss! Not sure how since i drank so much lately but i still didnt gain a pound! I have 16 more pounds until i get to my next goal. Hopefully once i am at that goal i will be happy with it.

I am trying to get my priorities in line. Once Im working and money is better we are going to get some credit cards paid off and then start putting money away for cosmetology school! YAAAY! I am so excited to FINALLY get started on my dream of being a hair dresser!!! :) Since i was a little girl its all i have wanted to do! 

Well, i guess this is a good enough update for now! love love love!

My big boy has reached the next step.

Toddler Bed. He is such a big boy. He climbed out of his crib and fell on Saturday, so now no more crib. Luckily we bought the crib that changes as the kid grows. So Tj transfered it into the toddler bed Saturday right after it happened. So far so good. He has only gotten out of bed once as soon as we put him down and then gets back in and goes to bed. I hope we are lucky through this and he doesnt have a hard time with the transition. 

Another new thing:

Curious George. He is absolutely in love with Curious George. Its the one movie that he will actually not get distracted in after 5 minutes. He loves it. I think George is the cutest little monkey ever so it works out well :) He carries around the case for the dvd all day. He always picks it out when its movie time. Its adorable!

i miss him :/

This is my cousin Trey. He is amazing. He is stationed in Japan right now in the marines. 

it will be 2 years until i see him again...i just really really miss him. 

TATTOOOOOO! :)

So tonight I was on the phone with my best friend discussing tattoos. I have been rather nervous because in the back of my mind i still was unsettled with the fact that Jesus may not be okay with it. So her and i got online did some research and found some things that really brought me to my final decision. I am SO GETTING A TATTOO. :)

I found some stuff in Leviticus and Romans that helped make my decision, and a really good article at www.christianitytoday.com. So go check out the article, im not about to type all that in! The website also helped me with a lot of the other issues i have been dealing with since i left my "pentecostal religion" and decided to start following Christ in a way i could understand. I am super excited about so many things and i finally have a better understanding of pretty much everything that i have been lacking in. 

So my tattoo:

I origanlly have always wanted to get Proverbs 3:5-6 tattooed somewhere, but i thought i would start out a little smaller, because well i cant take a lot of pain...so thats a lot for my first time. Then i thought well I love LOVE so i should just get the word love tattooed. I've been thinking about it for a while now and though LOVE has a huge meaning in my life, i want something more specific. So i am going with, HE LOVES US. I am so in love with that song. Ya know the one I'm talking about?

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane....

ya know that one?

He loves me, and i am so glad that He loves me. So, why not tell everyone i come in contact with that He Loves Us? He loves each and every one of us. So there you have it! Thats what i am getting. He Loves Us. :)  I am so excited!

Now here is what i need friends help in!

Where should i put it?  My two spots that i am thinking is wrist or foot. So what do ya'll think? Which one? Or even throw out a different spot! I want our opinions and very soon please!

See ya later

Goodbyes are really the hardest thing to do

I have never once said bye to someone and enjoyed saying it.

This has been a year of goodbyes. I've never said goodbye so many times. I made so many wonderful new friends from all over the world. It was great to have them for a season, but i wish God wanted them in my life longer than a season. There is always facebook though right?? Of course. 

Im not done with the goodbyes yet, i just have to remember to say See Ya Later....not goodbye. 

:/

My life has been nonstop lately, but i still somehow have found time to be completely emotional roller coastery crazy. How you ask? I dont know.

My past is coming back up. I have had so many friends just jump back up on the band wagon lately. Where are they coming from? My old best friend from high school, and when i say best friend i mean, like stay up on the phone all night, spent every minute together, skipped most classes to go to sonic and the mall, knew everything about each others lives, best friend. He needs me, and i feel like i can help. I feel like I can be that person, that example in his life. Phone conversations are about it since there is a 3000 mile difference. But its good, i have really enjoyed all these folks coming back into my life. Tj too. :) he loves michael and the other ones :)

The emotional roller coaster though is that i am so off. I cant seem to get it together, I am exhausted with so many things going on. I havnt had a night or day off in a cant remember, even when I am away from aiden for an hour, i still have something to do. Its not just down time for me. I just need nikki time. maybe...i dont know. I have a trip planned for home again in October, actually its the last week in Sept and a couple weeks of Oct. I am so happy, my cousin is getting married, we are not super close but she is still family and i love her, i can not wait to enjoy that day, its about freakin time!!! Im thinking i will either LOVE being home again or HATE it. Im praying there will not be any drama like this last time. HE is out of the picture so i dont see anything happening to cause drama, but ya never know. Life is life. So Im hoping for a little more alone time than last time. 

My parents got a new house, and im not sure if im being selfish about it or not, but i am having a hard time adjusting to them being somewhere new. I love the house i grew up in. We were there through my teenage years and there are so many memories, i just can not imagine not being in it again. I plan on just going there when i get home and reliving every memory again. Even if someone new lives there, they will just have to understand. Thats my house dang it!!! I just want to sit in it for a while, possibly cry a little. No matter how much of my past i always say i want to forget, its still there and i remember it, and it made me who i am so i want to keep it i guess. I just love that house. :/

im done.

venting :)

I am a mom, and i think i do a decent job at it. I feel like God gave me my child for a reason, so i do good. I also think that if you are not a parent you have absolutely no right to say anything about parenting. There are hundreds of books, hundreds of comments said daily, hundreds of thoughts from rude people, that really dont know. I am a christian so I am going to raise my son in a Godly home, I am going to teach him right from wrong, Im going to teach him everything i possibly know to give him the knowledge to be in this world. Right now he is 19 months old and he is starting the terrible twos. Its going to be a fun stage, i can feel it. He is absolutely wearing me out, but i discipline him. I tell him no, Im not afraid to spank him no matter where i am, I put him in time outs, I use the ONE...TWO...THREE method, and i think he listens. Yes, he is trying my patience these days, he is making it much harder to be able to punish him with that cute little face. He is trying everything he can possibly do to see if he can get away with it. Thats what they do, I've heard. My mom taught me well, and you better believe I will be teaching my kids the way she taught me. 

So seriously, dont say i dont discipline my child, unless you are a parent, you have no clue, so dont even try. Its rude, its inconsiderate and its down right hurtful as a friend. Thats all I am going to say, i dont know anyway else to put it.

FAMiLY!

I talked to two of my cousins that I have never talked to before, yesterday. It was one of the best days of my life. My cousin Justin found our family a little over a month ago. I talked to my cousin Christy for the first time, I always knew of her but my family never kept in contact with her when her mom moved them away. So, Justin and Christy are brother and sister, they also never knew about each other until yesterday. I know this isnt making much sense, but it so amazing to me. Christy also has a sister named Angela that I also have only talked to once before. Its just been an amazing experience that i never thought would happen. 

Their dad (my uncle) died in 2002. Sadly even before that my grandparents never had any of us keep in contact. Im not sure why, i dont understand the whole story, i was so young when everything happened. 

Im just so glad i have 3 cousins now that were never in my life before. I have so much to learn about them. I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my week update!

Here is my week beginning Tuesday:

Picked up my friends from Redding airport. 4 girls, aiden, and about 8 suitcases fit in my car. Really, i dont know how that happened!!! It was craziness! Spent Tuesday night with with the girls. Took Tj to life group, tina grocery shopping, and then back to socialize. Oh yeah, and picked tj back up from life group. Long, but fun night.

Wednesday night:

Picked up Tina as soon as tj got home, went to the supply house for shampoo, safeway for ice, and then headed to Kevins for a party. More socializing. New people....scare me. But i think i did good.

Thursday:

gym day care from 9-12 rachels to help with some kids, then some shopping for rachel...not me. Picked up tj, ate some din then back over to Kevins for hangout. Oh target was before that. :) fun times. target. :) Decided we should go to san fran. FUN

Friday: spent the morning cleaning and afternoon (5 hours) doing laundry. yup fun. Ran into winco with a sleeping 30 pound kid in my arms for stuff for dinner and made it back home just in time for Joe to walk up the steps. Joe, Kristin and Cory for dinner! Made official plans for San Fran for Saturday! Got everything ready and asleep by 12. 

Saturday:

Got up at 6, left by 6:30, picked up tina and met the boys at Starbucks to head out. Got on the freeway, left my wallet on top of the car. Luckily, we stopped and found everything that was in it, only a few scratches. Praise Jesus! Back on the road to San Fran. AMAZING CITY! AMAZING DAY! i loved everything about it. Even the 8 hours of walking. It was beautiful. Amazing food, great fellowship with friends. Two new friends, Jin and John. Such a great time. :) Left, stopped off for some BOMB hamburgers :) Made it home by 12:07! Nice. 

Sunday: (today) 

Got up at 8. switched off bathroom time between tina and tj. It was surprisingly easy! Made it to church only 5 minutes late! Awesome worship, an amazing message from the Lord. I love how wonderfully Nate speaks, he is so easy to follow! I loved the message today. :) very needed! Had some tri-tip for lunch, first time i have ever enjoyed it! YUM. Now we are home, relaxing until 4:15 when we head back to the stirring for Jr. High.

All of that has been my week. I have loved every minute of it!! It has been non stop, but amazing. I typed it all down mainly because i have a terrible memory and i want to remember this week full of great friends and fun. Also, for your enjoyment :) love love love!

I just want to say that Tj and I have the most amazing friends ever :)

I am so blessed to have come so far from home and still have friends that are just as close as family :) When you know we are going through a rough time, you help, and i am so thankful :)

Whoever put that blessing on our dresser last week, you are a blessing yourself. I thank you, im so grateful for you, and love you dearly.

Love.love.Love

i love jesus.

he is so amazing.

he is going to take care of us.

i love him. 

i love him.

i love him.

I have this problem. Sometimes i hold grudges to the extent of not speaking to someone for years, and then other people, i let walk all over me. Again and again. I dont know what i was thinking trying to allow things to be like they were back then. I can not keep letting my gaurd down and assuming things will be different. I put people up on a pedestal and i can not do that. I dont know if i will ever learn. I do this all the time. Its so hard for me to balance out my relationships with people. I know that eventually i will be able to let it go, let him go, get the closure i need to just put it aside. We wanted to work it out with him, but we just cant, and apparently thats what God wants. I just dont know what else to do. I can not be the only one giving, with him just taking. GRRR. It broke me today.

SO much drama, i dont know why i put myself into it. Lose one thing over another and i just cant get passed it. I want this to be over. I want these feelings to be gone, i want to have a normal day with my nerves not shot. I have to stop giving people chances, because in the end, i can not rely on them. I really truley cant.

He knew all along!

Why is it when you are in a new (old) place, the past just attacks you like a bomb? I drive down certain roads and laugh. I went around that crazy turn on the freeway and remembered when Andy used to go around it at like 120 miles an hour, and i used to sware i was going to die that night. Every night. lol I drove by my old schools...wow, have i grown. Crazy times, i must say. Mine and Tjs first apartment with our drugdealer nieghbors. Fun times. It just so weird how life changes so quickly. It reminded me of all the things God has saved me from. Most of the time i hated the way things turned out and always hoped for a difference. But God didnt give me those boyfriends, or take me to those parties because he had something in store for me that i couldnt imagine. Now, im so grateful. As much fun as the past was, i love my present. I love that some people are still in the present too, because they will be lifelong friends. :) Im just so grateful that i listened to God, although i was very stubborn, i still eventually made it through.

It has taken me a very long time to write, sorry. This is literally the first time I have had alone time to think about what I wanted to write.
So I am in Pensacola. Something I had been counting every second for. Its just not the same though. I mean it does feel like Ive never left, but at the same time it just doesnt feel right. Im not comfortable anymore. I truley miss home. As in Redding. Home. :) I bet that makes some of you guys that read this happy. I do love being here, being with my mom and spending time with my friends, but it isnt the same. It makes me happy to know that too. Its very obvious to me now that this isnt my home anymore. That God has placed us in Redding for a reason. I do want to be back here some day if the Lord calls us to be, but for now, i am so happy with where i am. Although as i am typing this, im thinking in my perfect world, i would be in redding and my mommy would be there too. I wish this could be perfect. My mommy. Oh i have missed her. If i could spend every second with her, i would.

My friends havnt changed, I already had the odd saddness of a hurtful night. Nothing has changed. It was no ones fault, but my emotions were all over the place. All i wanted to do was lay in MY BED and cry. I had no where to just lay and cry, it made me want to be home so bad. Even though i am still struggling with many things in redding, i wanted nothing more than for that moment to be in my bed crying with my hubby. Im starting to think that maybe the reasons i havnt had the hurt there that i am feeling here is because i dont have anyone that i have let get that close to me. Is that a good or a bad thing? I havnt decided. I mean, my friends here i hold so dear to me that i allow them to hurt me because i am so attached to them. In redding though, everyone is on the same level and i dont have one certain person that i expect too much from. Maybe that is a good thing then. Im starting to think that having lots of really close friends is better than having one best friend, because then i expect too much from that one person. I just cant believe how much i have grown in the past 8 months, to have such a change in me about so many things. I cant explain it.

This is all over the place. sorry. This is so very much for me, not everyone to understand.

I think for so long i have put certain people on a pedestal and that just isnt right. Its making me see that there is only one person that i should put my trust into. I cant lean on these other people to make me happy. I just need my Jesus. He is the one that will NEVER let me down. He is my strong tower. :)

2 more weeks and i will be home, and i can not wait. :)

this is how big my little baby is getting:

Yesterday morning and this morning he brings me his potty because he wants to sit on it like a big boy...he goes potty and (number 2) both mornings :)

I was blowing my nose earlier (allergies grrrr.) so he picks up a kleenex to and puts it to his nose to blow his own nose :)

He is sitting at the table in a booster seat, no more high chair :)

His newest words are car (pronounced car) and cracker (pronounced ca ca) lol!!!! :)

I just cant believe how quickly he is growing...if you havnt seen him in a while and you are not 3000 miles away, you need to come see him because you are missing out on such a wonderful little boy!

Thats all :)

Love!

Sometimes I wish I were a little more artistic. I dont write well, I can not paint or draw, i dont take pictures well, there just isnt much I can do. I used to sing well, but somehow that has changed too...i need to apply myself more...right? I am just in this routine, its called being a mom and a wife. You dont know until youve tried it. You cant imagine. I love my son and my hubby, but sometimes I wish my routine could change. I wish I could find myself again. Take time to find the things I am good at. Take the time to find a hobby. At the same time, I feel like when i will finally get the option to I will be too afraid, because its been so long. I keep saying when aiden starts school i will go to cosmetology school. But will i really do that? Will i actually have the courage to do it? I guess I really dont have the answer until the time comes.

We went over our phone bill by 200 dollars, Tjs ticket is due on the 4th, my trip home is in 2 weeks, all of these things have one thing in common. Money.

Where does it come from? How can we possibly pay all these things, all these extra things when we dont have the money? God. He will provide for us. I know he will. He has all of this under control and I know he does not want us to be in a hole. He will provide for us. I keep telling myself this. I know he will. 

Friends!

Friends!!!!!!!

I just want to say that this place would be so sad for me without you guys. I love all of you wonderful people that i have met in Redding, Chico, and Sac. You guys are amazing :) I would be lost without you. I think sometimes about how odd it must have been to have to like me because i moved here MARRIED to Tj. lol. I dont know if i want to know your first impressions of me. lol. Well, maybe i do.........anyway, you guys have been so good to me and welcomed me. It took a while for some, but i love you all so much!!!! Thank you for being my friend!

So MY BIRTHDAY was amazing :) I had so much fun sharing time with all my amazing friends! I am so thankful to have such wonderful caring people around me! I will say though turning 21 is kind of overrated. I mean, it was another night, I dont feel like im older. I guess, since I am not the party type it doesnt have a huge affect on me. Trust me it was a BLAST, though :)

I got woke up this morning with bummer news. My mom will possibly be out of town 2 of the 3 weeks i am home. She will be training for the job she has been trying to move up to in her company for a long time now. She will be in Ohio. :( I cried, got mascara (last nights of course) all over tjs favorite off white sweater, told her i was really happy for her and then cried more. I am really happy for her. She was so torn because she wanted to be there to see us, but she can not pass it up. I want to be just as excited for her as she is, but i cant be. Not just yet. There is some good news to this, if she gets this job she will be making ALOT more money so i can go home more, AND she will be traveling all of the time which means she may end up in CA lots. Other than that, i see no happiness in the situation. Maybe in a week i will feel a little better about it, but for now, i am so broken. My mommy is my best friend and i wanted to see her the whole time i was home, and i wanted her to be with aiden the whole time so he could remember her. :( I just really cant even picture being there for 3 weeks without her, the only time i will be able to see her. 

Well, i cant really think of happy things now, and i dont want to bore you with sad thoughts, so i guess i am done. 

Lord please help me to not be bitter about this situation.

Oh my goodness, what an awesome weekend we had! We left friday evening time and carpooled with morgan and jordan to folsom. Awesome ride, we had so much fun and some jesus time. It was so good. It was awesome to connect with someone that grew up so similar to me, and who understood things other people just dont. We got into folsom about 9, hung out and adam got home about 11. That night we went to bed early, ya know like 12 30. lol. We had a crazy awesome day to look forward to.

So saturday morning we get up at like 7, bought some stuff to make an awesome breakfast and rushed around getting ready and headed over to the community center for Family Fun Day. What a blessing that was to be there and help our awesome friends in their ministry. The day was so awesome and there were so many people. It was def a hit! So fun. I have a few pics i will post in another blog because i havnt downloaded them yet.

Saturday night we had a blast. Partying down with some great friends. I was loving it! We got home about 1 30, 2ish i think. Got up at 7 30 got ready for church and had some Jesus time. So fun to be with the Disciples Church. It was a wonderful experience. We had an amazing lunch, then headed back to adams to pack up and get ready to go. We left folsom around 3, crazy fun car ride. Got some food and pulled back into jordans driveway at 7. We got our stuff unloaded and headed up to The Stirring :) Got there with 2 min to spare before we started. SOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD to be back there. It is def home when i walk in those doors! 

My little J Bay got baptized, im so proud of her. That is an amazing experience, and we got to share it with her. 

All of that to say, CRAZY BUSY weekend, but SO wonderful!

LOVE YOU!

LOVE

Katie and I have been talking a lot lately about something. I am a little worried to be going to the church i grew up in for a few reasons, one of which...to them...i am not ''saved". Its so beyond my understanding that people are living and breathing and loving their savior, but yet, they arent "saved". People are reading their bibles studying his word, following after him in every way, but they are not "saved". 

I have finally over the last few months started understanding how to love God and to truly love him. To give him all control over me and to trust that he loves me and he will take care of me. Before, it was like a rule, i put on my skirt, made my hair the size of texas and went to church. Now its like, i wake up in the morning and i smile, because I love him, i really love him. Its not an act, its not because its what I am supposed to do, its because i have the relationship with him that was never there before. Its not about all these things that other people have made it out to be. Its me and him, he is my best friend, my love. At the end of the day, if i live right through him, if i show people i love him and try to draw them closer to him, i have done what i am here to do. That is what i am here to do. Not to scare people with crazy rules and regulations on how they are supposed to show HIS love. 

Many many things going through my mind lately. This is the place I let those thoughts out...so here it goes!

Why is it that I feel like I am the one putting forth all the effort in some of my friendships? I am not talking about any of my really close friends, but other friends that I used to think were close. It seems as if they could care less these days. Its frustrating to me because, we are supposed to love all, but how do i get to the place where i can express all that love to certain people and be okay with not getting it in return? When people do not respond back, when they ignore, when they act like you do not exist, its rude and hurtful. Maybe i am just being a girl, or being too overly sensitive, but I am human. I think we can all say we have felt this way at some time or another.

On to my next overwhelming thought. I am ready to do something. I have an overwhelming passion to help those around me, to be a friend and to show the love of God to so many. Where do I begin? This new role we have started at the stirring is exactly where I know I need to be...but waiting. UGH. The waiting is so, well, frustrating. I cant think of a better word. I want to get it going and God just keeps putting a hold on it. Waiting and waiting. oh. life. 

Next!

My friend michelle just had her baby. Beautiful little girl! Im so happy for her and her hubby. Being a parent is the best feeling ever. Little Sophia was a month early, so keep her in your prayers because she is in the NICU, doing better, but not ready to be released yet. 

One of the diamonds fell out of my ring. Seriously. rude. I was so angry. Hopefully my warrenty will cover it since I never get my rings cleaned because the jewelry store is oh...about 3000 miles away from me. In a month i will find out, its just a baby one so I am hoping they will. Sad day if they dont :(

All done.

random i know.

So its a little after 11 and I am wide awake...I have tons of things on my mind, so Im hoping if i write them all down it will make them go away for a little while...

I am UBER worried about my trip home. Not the actual being home part but the getting there part. I love flying, I always have, but with aiden it makes things so difficult. I was lucky enough to get a ticket with only one stop :) but, I have an hour to get to my next plane...Im always worried I wont make it, and being stuck in an airport with a baby. Not fun. Not to mention the actual flying part. There is nothing Aiden hates more than being stuck in someones arms for a long time...8 hours is going to be quite an experience. We flew in November, and it was rough and now he is WAY more mobile, way more grumpy and hates not being able to run around even more. I am terrified, typing it out is making my stomach go in knots right now. yikes.

Thats about all i can handle typing tonight. I need to do some research. :(

I see some of my friends still going through a fight trying to figure everything out. It breaks my heart. I cant imagine being in their shoes. I am all for having a good time, but to the extent of not knowing whats going on, forgetting everything the next morning, hurting people by saying things you dont mean....why would anyone want that on themselves?????? God is so amazing. I would rather get drunk in his spirit then drunk by any alcohol. Its so hard to see my friends still battling, trying to figure out their place in this world. You have to be either so far perfect or so far wrong to them. If they are going to be bad, they have to go all in. Its not supposed to be like that. You can have a drink and still love God, you can have a drink and still go to church, God is still going to love you. Its all about putting him first, not going overboard. Oh i just wish they could understand!!!!! 

Boo Boo

Aiden got a new haircut!! Cute huh?? Its a faux hawk. Kinda hard to tell...but its super cute. Im thinking he looks more his age, not so baby-ish. I hated it at first, but I love it. He is so cute :)

Then...he did this little number.

Its breaking my heart :( He fell on the cement, Im thinking he was trying to run and just tripped head first on the ground. He does it all the time but typically catches his head but not this time. I freaked out, called a lot of people about what to do. He seems to be fine, i checked his eyes, it swelled up and then went down. Not in because in is bad. He played, he ate, he went to bed and woke up. So we are good. I gave him tylenol because I would assume a headache would come shortly after. This picture was when we woke him up...notice the anger. lol. He wasnt very happy with us because he was so sleepy. 

Just pray for his little head that it heals well. No big scars or weirdness. 

Love you guys.

addict???

8 cups of coffee.

Its not good to make an entire pot of coffee when you are home by yourself.

Im feeling very...fast....

jittery....

I really should stop doing the coffee thing....

no i shouldnt.

lol.

but really...this is a lot.

random.

Tonight I was on the phone with Katie doing our typical 2 hour phone call of randomness and I realized I dont cry anymore. We were talking about my mom and just random things about home and my eyes got watery and I was like wow, this is probably only the second time I have shed a tear about being away from home. I miss it though. I think it would be good for me to just cry and let it all out. I just cant. Is that weird? 

Tj got a ticket. A 415 dollar ticket for turning right on red without coming to a complete stop. I wanted to get a couch. But instead we will be paying his ticket. I know God has it under control. Im oddly not really stressed out about it at all...which if you know me, thats odd because I stress out about our finances more than anything else. 

I talked to Trey Wednesday , he was in the chicago airport making his way to Japan. I gave him a quick lecture on God and told him I loved him and now I plan on hearing from him from emails for the next 2 years. :( 

Im kind of at a loss of what to say, I really want to vent about a situation I am having right now, but it doesnt need to get spread around in blog world. I will say that Tj and I need prayer over the situation with this person. Its becoming harder and harder and I dont know how much longer I can be nice about it. So please just pray for us, this person is an important person in our lives.

This was all random, but its things that have been on my mind all day. 

jonah

Church was so awesome this morning. We wrapped up the Jonah series, those messages helped me so much. Just a few months ago I was Jonah. God had a calling on our lives and I wanted nothing to do with it because it meant living in Redding away from everything I was comfortable with. Its amazing what God will do though when you do finally give it all to him. Just like Jonah my family has become so blessed since we started giving God control.

I am a crazy control freak, I have serious trust issues, so giving up everything to God was always so hard for me. Trusting him with my finances, a place to live, friends, moving, a new church, everything took some time. Now that I have given it all to him, life is blissful. We stepped out of our shell to start doing the jr. high and because of that, I have the most amazing friend that I had been searching for since we moved here. :) She has been so great to my family and it feels so nice to have a friend that I made all by myself. 

We will still have our struggles, but I know can say that I can completely trust that God will take care of us. I know that no matter what life brings he will be there to catch us. I know our calling is to be part of Jr. High, and from there we may find even more things, but this is where we need to be and it finally feels right. 

Friends I encourage you to find your calling, no matter what it may be, God has plans for each and every one of you. We need to be his disciple and make disciples. Put your complete trust in him, because when you do you will have such JOY!

We went to Chico to see Michael perform :) 

My pics suck, but here are a few!

There were so many great performances there. Some were very unique. Overall the night was very entertaining and the pizza was amazing! YUM :)

Michael you did a great job friend! It was so fun!! Amazing!

My best friend

My best friend.

She is priceless. Amazing.  We have known each other since we were 11.  Trust me we have had our moments of wanting to punch each other in the face, but when it comes down to it there is no other girl in this world who can finish my sentences, keep me up till 5 in the morning, almost kill me but i still get back in her car, know every little inside joke possible that is only funny to us....oh i just love her.

We were hott back in our single un mommy days.  She got all the guys and it made me want to hit her, but it always worked out.  We lived together (in the same room) for like a year or something...she moved out...I kept my rugs. haha.  We didnt like the same guys too much, but I can say that she gave a little comment to Tj (before we started dating) that was hilarious and we have yet to let her live it down.  She has been there for me through so many things and although we spent a good time not talking, when we made up, it was like it never ended.  She is most definitely my soulmate (the girl version) and i LOVE HER!

I say all this because tonight she told me she might possibly be able to come and visit me for my birthday.  There is no better present than that.  I will be counting down the days when I know for sure.  I want everyone to meet her, because she is amazing.

I shouldnt be awake right now.

Its super late, but i just can not sleep because I am so energized with happiness....

We met with the leader of the jr. high of the stirring today to start helping out.  Although, Im not really sure if my "calling" is to do this, I have never felt quite this strong about anything else. Its super weird.  Its just something I am so flippin excited over.  I really have no idea what to expect, what to do or even where to begin, but I feel this is what God wants us to be doing right now. Tj has always had a passion for kids this age and has so many ideas that he has always wanted to do.  I think he is more excited than me. Way excited.

I am super excited for what God is doing in our lives right now.  For once I finally feel like we are in the right place at the right time. It feels so good.  Pure Joy fills my heart.

On another note, we shared a great evening with kendall and Samual over Settlers of Catan of course ;)  Samuals voice is pretty much awesome and I love that he is from London, I asked him more questions then he probably felt like answering but I loved it.  I want to go there someday, doubt it will happen, but who knows.  

There is rain again tonight and although we need it I am SOO over it.  I cant sleep with rain, I dont like how loud it is. Tj is complete opposite.  The noise puts him to sleep.  I just love the sunshine, its happier, not so depressing, it just makes me want to get out and enjoy the day.  

I am happy though, so overly happy. =)

Getting to know you!

Stephanie did this and it looked like fun! 

1. Vacuuming – Run it through the house hitting the heavy-track areas; or, move most of your furniture to get as much carpet as possible? 

I dont move any heavy furniture, mostly just the high traffic areas!

2. Milk – Use well past the date on the carton, until it smells funny; or throw it out the day after the date on the carton? 

It goes out the day its expired, just knowing anything is expired I cant use it, wether it is still good or not!

3. Childhood – What do you do as an adult that you weren't allowed as a child? 

have sex, lol. I get to do alot because my parents were extra strict!

4. Toilet Paper – Roll the paper over the top, or roll it under? 

Over!

5. Bed-Making – It's made every morning, occasionally, or not at all? 

I make it most of the time mid-morning or early afternoon

6. Most Hated Household Chore – Cleaning bathrooms; doing laundry; or dusting/vacuuming? 

doing laundry is easy putting it away sucks!!!!

7. Favorite Type of Vacation – Each day planned out with reservations; or, hit the road and go wherever you end up?

I am a planner, i have it all written out on paper.  I am a crazy planner!!

8. Butter – Stored in the fridge, or in the pantry? 

We use fake butter, its in the fridge.

9. Bathing – Shower or bath; and once or twice daily? 

Once, a shower!

10. Handling Life's Curveballs – When life hands you a big lemon, which way do you tend to handle it: get upset then make lemonade out of the lemons; or smile and make lemon creme pie and figure you may as well enjoy the lemons you were handed?

I typically get upset as soon as it happens and then distract myself with cleaning.

It would be fun to hear from other people what they say. I think it's a great way to learn something new about other people.

Dreaming

I want more.

I want to be more.

I want to become something for God.

I have many friends doing so many great things, I feel like I am just sitting back and doing nothing.

Adam is in Sac doing the whole Planting of disciples church with our friends and I have a lot of friends back home that are really opening up and becoming something in Him.  Not to mention friends here that are part of a great ministry.

I am just sitting here, going through the everyday motions like its okay.  I want to contribute I want to be something for him.  I need to be a witness for him.

Yesterday at what I thought was an uneventful starbucks visit turned out to be a wonderful moment.  A student from Bethel came up to me and said I want to give you this and it was a card that said Dream.  It was made by her and had beautiful words in it.  I know about this project because our friend Kendall gave Tj the one that he made. :)  God was reaching out to both Tj and I and it took me until this morning to figure it out.  

I dont know what it is God has for us to do.  I know that we need to dream, believe in our dreams, and know that God is an amazing God who will do miraculous works in us.

I did it....

I did it. I finally said something to her. That crazy girl who acts like my kid is the evil one.  As some of you know I have been doing the day care at my gym every thursday now for about 4 months. i enjoy it, some days are good some days are terrible but i live through it.  Anyway, the other girl who used to volunteer on thurs with me has a child that is mean to all the kids, he pushes, hits, steals there toys and throws his food on the ground stomping on it. I know your thinking...every kid does this.  Yes, your right but he is just beyond control, to the point where the lady who actually runs the day is so fed up.  Today, this child pushes aiden down in the face (no reason at all) and turns around within 1 minute does it to another baby who is a year old. But with the other baby he pushes him by the throat. Oh i was angered.  When girl comes in to get her kid I always keep aiden away from them because well...i dont want him around them.  So, they are fixing to walk out the door, i put aiden down and he starts walking around.  In 2 seconds the child turns around and pushes aiden down for no reason.

Then i said it....

"See this it was he does all the time" .....

Those words...

oh man....

So she looks up at me after just putting her child in her lap saying Time Out as he is hitting and kicking her, and says...are you mad at me?  Well, I will say that I held back much more than i planned because I wanted to show my good christian spirit.  I said well, you switched days because you say aiden is mean to your kid and really its your child that is doing all the pushing and hitting.  She comes back with well Aiden is always stealing his food. True. But every kid in there shares and follows the other kids around getting there food.  Not many other children do what her child does to every child. I can say 3 that I have seen including him that our just that mean for no reason.  Nothing big happened. A few more words were spoken and she left saying im sorry he hits your kid.  But not in a happy way.

It could have ended better I suppose, but at least things were said.  The owner of the gym was in there as well, and sort of agreed with what the day care leader and I were saying. This girls kid was uncontrollable. 

I have been wanting to say something to her for about a month now, but I have kept it in and kept praying over it.  I know it shouldnt have happened the way it did, but I cant take it back.  Now i know that next time I go to the gym, I will get stares and have a nice long conversation with the day care leader about what "the girl" had to say about what happened.  Even though the day care leader completely agrees with me ......"the girl" likes to talk.  ugh.  I know that God will help in the situation but Im just so frustrated with the issue.

I know everyone thinks their child is an angel and can do no wrong.  I know that kids are kids and these things happen.  I never thought I would get this defensive over my son.  Its truly unconditional love :)

a new outlook

Its almost insane how God can answer your prayers.  The smallest ones, the ones you would think he didnt have time for.  I forget sometimes that every prayer counts.  No matter what I am going through, He will fix it.  Its just amazing.  

I love my brother, he gave me some great advice on a book I have been trying to read and understand lately.  He reminded me, that my relationship with God so much much more important, and things will always fall into place if i just make sure I have that connection with my savior.  Adam used to be a buthead, but i love him he is awesome :)  He also pointed out, in an odd way..i need to get out more, i dont think thats what he was going for, but our talk on "life groups" or "small groups" whatever you call them pretty much made me realize that Im not the only one in this world.  I need to interact with people of all ages, and all interest.  I cant just put myself around married folks and expect to learn what I need to learn.  Having a life group that is mixed is great.  I can learn something from everyone. Thanks brother.

I must say, after six months of being away from home and away from my family, I am really enjoying myself.  Much more than last time we tried this :)  I promise there will be no moving anytime soon!  I am growing so much and its amazing what God will bring you to, when you are at such hard times.  

I love it. Happy happy day.

So tonight I realized that I really want a friend.

I have so many wonderful friends here and so many wonderful best friends back home, but I really want a best friend here.

Someone whos hugs make my entire day better.

Someone who will come over all the time for no reason.

Someone who loves me no matter what.

Someone who i can talk to on the phone for 2 hours, then spend the whole day with them doing more talking because we are just that awesome.

I dont have that kind of friendship here, and i am really longing for it.  Im not sure if God just doesnt want me to find that here in California, or if I just havnt gotten out there and opened myself up to make one.

I just want one. :(