It has taken me a very long time to write, sorry. This is literally the first time I have had alone time to think about what I wanted to write.
So I am in Pensacola. Something I had been counting every second for. Its just not the same though. I mean it does feel like Ive never left, but at the same time it just doesnt feel right. Im not comfortable anymore. I truley miss home. As in Redding. Home. :) I bet that makes some of you guys that read this happy. I do love being here, being with my mom and spending time with my friends, but it isnt the same. It makes me happy to know that too. Its very obvious to me now that this isnt my home anymore. That God has placed us in Redding for a reason. I do want to be back here some day if the Lord calls us to be, but for now, i am so happy with where i am. Although as i am typing this, im thinking in my perfect world, i would be in redding and my mommy would be there too. I wish this could be perfect. My mommy. Oh i have missed her. If i could spend every second with her, i would.

My friends havnt changed, I already had the odd saddness of a hurtful night. Nothing has changed. It was no ones fault, but my emotions were all over the place. All i wanted to do was lay in MY BED and cry. I had no where to just lay and cry, it made me want to be home so bad. Even though i am still struggling with many things in redding, i wanted nothing more than for that moment to be in my bed crying with my hubby. Im starting to think that maybe the reasons i havnt had the hurt there that i am feeling here is because i dont have anyone that i have let get that close to me. Is that a good or a bad thing? I havnt decided. I mean, my friends here i hold so dear to me that i allow them to hurt me because i am so attached to them. In redding though, everyone is on the same level and i dont have one certain person that i expect too much from. Maybe that is a good thing then. Im starting to think that having lots of really close friends is better than having one best friend, because then i expect too much from that one person. I just cant believe how much i have grown in the past 8 months, to have such a change in me about so many things. I cant explain it.

This is all over the place. sorry. This is so very much for me, not everyone to understand.

I think for so long i have put certain people on a pedestal and that just isnt right. Its making me see that there is only one person that i should put my trust into. I cant lean on these other people to make me happy. I just need my Jesus. He is the one that will NEVER let me down. He is my strong tower. :)

2 more weeks and i will be home, and i can not wait. :)