this is how big my little baby is getting:

Yesterday morning and this morning he brings me his potty because he wants to sit on it like a big boy...he goes potty and (number 2) both mornings :)

I was blowing my nose earlier (allergies grrrr.) so he picks up a kleenex to and puts it to his nose to blow his own nose :)

He is sitting at the table in a booster seat, no more high chair :)

His newest words are car (pronounced car) and cracker (pronounced ca ca) lol!!!! :)

I just cant believe how quickly he is growing...if you havnt seen him in a while and you are not 3000 miles away, you need to come see him because you are missing out on such a wonderful little boy!

Thats all :)

Love!

Sometimes I wish I were a little more artistic. I dont write well, I can not paint or draw, i dont take pictures well, there just isnt much I can do. I used to sing well, but somehow that has changed too...i need to apply myself more...right? I am just in this routine, its called being a mom and a wife. You dont know until youve tried it. You cant imagine. I love my son and my hubby, but sometimes I wish my routine could change. I wish I could find myself again. Take time to find the things I am good at. Take the time to find a hobby. At the same time, I feel like when i will finally get the option to I will be too afraid, because its been so long. I keep saying when aiden starts school i will go to cosmetology school. But will i really do that? Will i actually have the courage to do it? I guess I really dont have the answer until the time comes.

We went over our phone bill by 200 dollars, Tjs ticket is due on the 4th, my trip home is in 2 weeks, all of these things have one thing in common. Money.

Where does it come from? How can we possibly pay all these things, all these extra things when we dont have the money? God. He will provide for us. I know he will. He has all of this under control and I know he does not want us to be in a hole. He will provide for us. I keep telling myself this. I know he will. 

Friends!

Friends!!!!!!!

I just want to say that this place would be so sad for me without you guys. I love all of you wonderful people that i have met in Redding, Chico, and Sac. You guys are amazing :) I would be lost without you. I think sometimes about how odd it must have been to have to like me because i moved here MARRIED to Tj. lol. I dont know if i want to know your first impressions of me. lol. Well, maybe i do.........anyway, you guys have been so good to me and welcomed me. It took a while for some, but i love you all so much!!!! Thank you for being my friend!

So MY BIRTHDAY was amazing :) I had so much fun sharing time with all my amazing friends! I am so thankful to have such wonderful caring people around me! I will say though turning 21 is kind of overrated. I mean, it was another night, I dont feel like im older. I guess, since I am not the party type it doesnt have a huge affect on me. Trust me it was a BLAST, though :)

I got woke up this morning with bummer news. My mom will possibly be out of town 2 of the 3 weeks i am home. She will be training for the job she has been trying to move up to in her company for a long time now. She will be in Ohio. :( I cried, got mascara (last nights of course) all over tjs favorite off white sweater, told her i was really happy for her and then cried more. I am really happy for her. She was so torn because she wanted to be there to see us, but she can not pass it up. I want to be just as excited for her as she is, but i cant be. Not just yet. There is some good news to this, if she gets this job she will be making ALOT more money so i can go home more, AND she will be traveling all of the time which means she may end up in CA lots. Other than that, i see no happiness in the situation. Maybe in a week i will feel a little better about it, but for now, i am so broken. My mommy is my best friend and i wanted to see her the whole time i was home, and i wanted her to be with aiden the whole time so he could remember her. :( I just really cant even picture being there for 3 weeks without her, the only time i will be able to see her. 

Well, i cant really think of happy things now, and i dont want to bore you with sad thoughts, so i guess i am done. 

Lord please help me to not be bitter about this situation.

Oh my goodness, what an awesome weekend we had! We left friday evening time and carpooled with morgan and jordan to folsom. Awesome ride, we had so much fun and some jesus time. It was so good. It was awesome to connect with someone that grew up so similar to me, and who understood things other people just dont. We got into folsom about 9, hung out and adam got home about 11. That night we went to bed early, ya know like 12 30. lol. We had a crazy awesome day to look forward to.

So saturday morning we get up at like 7, bought some stuff to make an awesome breakfast and rushed around getting ready and headed over to the community center for Family Fun Day. What a blessing that was to be there and help our awesome friends in their ministry. The day was so awesome and there were so many people. It was def a hit! So fun. I have a few pics i will post in another blog because i havnt downloaded them yet.

Saturday night we had a blast. Partying down with some great friends. I was loving it! We got home about 1 30, 2ish i think. Got up at 7 30 got ready for church and had some Jesus time. So fun to be with the Disciples Church. It was a wonderful experience. We had an amazing lunch, then headed back to adams to pack up and get ready to go. We left folsom around 3, crazy fun car ride. Got some food and pulled back into jordans driveway at 7. We got our stuff unloaded and headed up to The Stirring :) Got there with 2 min to spare before we started. SOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD to be back there. It is def home when i walk in those doors! 

My little J Bay got baptized, im so proud of her. That is an amazing experience, and we got to share it with her. 

All of that to say, CRAZY BUSY weekend, but SO wonderful!

LOVE YOU!

LOVE

Katie and I have been talking a lot lately about something. I am a little worried to be going to the church i grew up in for a few reasons, one of which...to them...i am not ''saved". Its so beyond my understanding that people are living and breathing and loving their savior, but yet, they arent "saved". People are reading their bibles studying his word, following after him in every way, but they are not "saved". 

I have finally over the last few months started understanding how to love God and to truly love him. To give him all control over me and to trust that he loves me and he will take care of me. Before, it was like a rule, i put on my skirt, made my hair the size of texas and went to church. Now its like, i wake up in the morning and i smile, because I love him, i really love him. Its not an act, its not because its what I am supposed to do, its because i have the relationship with him that was never there before. Its not about all these things that other people have made it out to be. Its me and him, he is my best friend, my love. At the end of the day, if i live right through him, if i show people i love him and try to draw them closer to him, i have done what i am here to do. That is what i am here to do. Not to scare people with crazy rules and regulations on how they are supposed to show HIS love. 

Many many things going through my mind lately. This is the place I let those thoughts out...so here it goes!

Why is it that I feel like I am the one putting forth all the effort in some of my friendships? I am not talking about any of my really close friends, but other friends that I used to think were close. It seems as if they could care less these days. Its frustrating to me because, we are supposed to love all, but how do i get to the place where i can express all that love to certain people and be okay with not getting it in return? When people do not respond back, when they ignore, when they act like you do not exist, its rude and hurtful. Maybe i am just being a girl, or being too overly sensitive, but I am human. I think we can all say we have felt this way at some time or another.

On to my next overwhelming thought. I am ready to do something. I have an overwhelming passion to help those around me, to be a friend and to show the love of God to so many. Where do I begin? This new role we have started at the stirring is exactly where I know I need to be...but waiting. UGH. The waiting is so, well, frustrating. I cant think of a better word. I want to get it going and God just keeps putting a hold on it. Waiting and waiting. oh. life. 

Next!

My friend michelle just had her baby. Beautiful little girl! Im so happy for her and her hubby. Being a parent is the best feeling ever. Little Sophia was a month early, so keep her in your prayers because she is in the NICU, doing better, but not ready to be released yet. 

One of the diamonds fell out of my ring. Seriously. rude. I was so angry. Hopefully my warrenty will cover it since I never get my rings cleaned because the jewelry store is oh...about 3000 miles away from me. In a month i will find out, its just a baby one so I am hoping they will. Sad day if they dont :(

All done.

random i know.

So its a little after 11 and I am wide awake...I have tons of things on my mind, so Im hoping if i write them all down it will make them go away for a little while...

I am UBER worried about my trip home. Not the actual being home part but the getting there part. I love flying, I always have, but with aiden it makes things so difficult. I was lucky enough to get a ticket with only one stop :) but, I have an hour to get to my next plane...Im always worried I wont make it, and being stuck in an airport with a baby. Not fun. Not to mention the actual flying part. There is nothing Aiden hates more than being stuck in someones arms for a long time...8 hours is going to be quite an experience. We flew in November, and it was rough and now he is WAY more mobile, way more grumpy and hates not being able to run around even more. I am terrified, typing it out is making my stomach go in knots right now. yikes.

Thats about all i can handle typing tonight. I need to do some research. :(