Busy Bee's!

Well, the title says it all. Busy! All the time. Tj has been working a lot this week, (including today) its been a blessing on the money side, but sad on the "being together side". Aiden and I are heading out on Tues for 3 weeks, so that kinda makes him working a lot even worse. That long away from the hubs again is...well....i dont want to think about it! :/ Its bittersweet. As much as I want to be with my family and friends, I also want my hubby there too. Oh well, hopefully next time. Trips are just so expensive... 

Please keep Aiden and I in your prayers during our flights. Flying can be fun, I used to love it, but with a little (almost) 2 year old that fun...turns into stress. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I get so tense. So just pray for safety, my nerves, for patience and understanding for both of us. Thanks friends. 

Gary Allan concert!

It was so awesome! I haven't been to a concert in quite some time so it was nice to finally be in that rush of craziness! Being a performer must be one of the best experiences! I would just love to be on stage every night, crowds screaming, loud music :) So fun!!!!!

After the concert I kinda snuck to the back by the buses and then i kinda got on the bus and kinda met Gary Allan and his entire band! HA! It was awesome!!!!!!!! These guys we're so nice. Rach and I got to hang out with them for a while and we just had a blast.

It's hard sometimes to forget that the people we view as famous are just regular people. They go through the same things we do, they have families, they have feelings, they are real. We forget, they are doing their job, a job they LOVE I'm sure, but there is so much more to their lives than just performing on a stage for us. I will never look at a celebrity the same. 

I love Gary Allan, he is such a talented artist, but my eyes were stuck to Jaime Hanna most of the night :) He is in the band for Gary, and what a talented guy he is! I looked up some of his music and he is pretty dang good! If he ever has a solo act, i will be following him!!! 

The concert was amazing, the after party for 4 hours on the bus was even more amazing :) Such a great group of guys and so much fun!!!! :)

Here are a few pictures:

Me with Jaime Hanna!!! =)

The four of us girls!
Us girls with CJ
Rachel, our new friends Ciera and Kayla, Me and Jaime Hanna
Rachel & me with Jaime Hanna
Rachel & Me with Levi

Jaime Hanna & Gary Allan
Gary Allan
Jaime Hanna =) I was so LOVIN that Kilt! 

Me and Rachel on our way to the concert!

skype..whoa!

I finally ventured into the skype world when i realized just how awesome it was. Jordan was over the other day (well most days) but this particular day we were talking to Joe who is in South Korea on Skype :) I was so fascinated by the entire situation i knew i had to get in the world. So i did. The Skype world that is. Thankfully we have a computer, a mac, its amazing, but its older so we needed to get a camera for it. It was a rough two day process but finally tonight we got it working! I talked to my best friend and my heart was SOOOO happy! It was so good to see her beautiful face....as i was talking to her....like i was there!!! The technology these days just blows me away!!!! So Trey, my cousin who is stationed in Japan has skype, soon our times will match up so we can talk and on that day my heart will be SOOOOOO filled with joy, i just might explode! Its been too long since ive talked to him and i am looking forward to it! I'll be traveling with aiden back to pensacola in a couple weeks so im going to get my parents all set up on Skype too, so we can all chat and see each other ALL the time! I just wish i would have done this sooner! HAPPY DAY!

This is my prayer

Give me strength God, when i dont see what you have in store for us, it seems so far off. You know, you have the whole plan. Help me to trust you. Im stuck,we are stuck...where do we move from here. Help me be humble. Help me see that you have complete control. I want to trust you unconditionally. Put a smile back on my face, take the worry from my heart and my mind. Give me strength God. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jerimiah 29:11

I haven't updated in a while! Whats new in the O'Connors lives???? =)

I have been doing good on my weight loss :) It makes me happy! Im only 20 pounds away from my goal weight! I've lost 10 pounds just in the last couple weeks! Im feeling GOOD! It's so hard to lose weight and it takes MUCH discipline, but im determined this time more than ever to get rid of the fatness! 

We have been so busy lately with parties, get-to-togethers, weekend trips & random things going on all through the week. Today is a relaxing day...well morning, we are watching Lina this afternoon, and that is not considered relaxing! Between her and Aiden our house is a crazy disaster when they are done with it! Hopefully today will be an easy day. Jambalya for dinner! YUM! Its been quite some time since i made that and we are looking foward to it! 

Well, thats all i have for now! Love love love!

Hope you are all doing well!

I have so many things going around in my head...im not sure how much a should put on here but...here it goes!

I spent 3 nights in a row going out or partying, i must say its not fun. It may be fun while its happening, but consuming that much alcohol to entertain and keep my friends is not worth it to me. The next day after is depressing, all i do is think of how much people dont like me, everything thats wrong with me, how fat i am, im just so negative and not much fun. Every once in a while is okay with me, but i really dont see much enjoyment in it. I want to focus on other things. Making new friends is great, but if i only see those friends when i am out drinking/partying...how much of a friend are they? So, not much drinking for me. I want to be with friends without alcohol and if thats not possible....then, hmmm.....no friend.

Im doing good on my weight loss! Not sure how since i drank so much lately but i still didnt gain a pound! I have 16 more pounds until i get to my next goal. Hopefully once i am at that goal i will be happy with it.

I am trying to get my priorities in line. Once Im working and money is better we are going to get some credit cards paid off and then start putting money away for cosmetology school! YAAAY! I am so excited to FINALLY get started on my dream of being a hair dresser!!! :) Since i was a little girl its all i have wanted to do! 

Well, i guess this is a good enough update for now! love love love!

My big boy has reached the next step.

Toddler Bed. He is such a big boy. He climbed out of his crib and fell on Saturday, so now no more crib. Luckily we bought the crib that changes as the kid grows. So Tj transfered it into the toddler bed Saturday right after it happened. So far so good. He has only gotten out of bed once as soon as we put him down and then gets back in and goes to bed. I hope we are lucky through this and he doesnt have a hard time with the transition. 

Another new thing:

Curious George. He is absolutely in love with Curious George. Its the one movie that he will actually not get distracted in after 5 minutes. He loves it. I think George is the cutest little monkey ever so it works out well :) He carries around the case for the dvd all day. He always picks it out when its movie time. Its adorable!

i miss him :/

This is my cousin Trey. He is amazing. He is stationed in Japan right now in the marines. 

it will be 2 years until i see him again...i just really really miss him. 

TATTOOOOOO! :)

So tonight I was on the phone with my best friend discussing tattoos. I have been rather nervous because in the back of my mind i still was unsettled with the fact that Jesus may not be okay with it. So her and i got online did some research and found some things that really brought me to my final decision. I am SO GETTING A TATTOO. :)

I found some stuff in Leviticus and Romans that helped make my decision, and a really good article at www.christianitytoday.com. So go check out the article, im not about to type all that in! The website also helped me with a lot of the other issues i have been dealing with since i left my "pentecostal religion" and decided to start following Christ in a way i could understand. I am super excited about so many things and i finally have a better understanding of pretty much everything that i have been lacking in. 

So my tattoo:

I origanlly have always wanted to get Proverbs 3:5-6 tattooed somewhere, but i thought i would start out a little smaller, because well i cant take a lot of pain...so thats a lot for my first time. Then i thought well I love LOVE so i should just get the word love tattooed. I've been thinking about it for a while now and though LOVE has a huge meaning in my life, i want something more specific. So i am going with, HE LOVES US. I am so in love with that song. Ya know the one I'm talking about?

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane....

ya know that one?

He loves me, and i am so glad that He loves me. So, why not tell everyone i come in contact with that He Loves Us? He loves each and every one of us. So there you have it! Thats what i am getting. He Loves Us. :)  I am so excited!

Now here is what i need friends help in!

Where should i put it?  My two spots that i am thinking is wrist or foot. So what do ya'll think? Which one? Or even throw out a different spot! I want our opinions and very soon please!

See ya later

Goodbyes are really the hardest thing to do

I have never once said bye to someone and enjoyed saying it.

This has been a year of goodbyes. I've never said goodbye so many times. I made so many wonderful new friends from all over the world. It was great to have them for a season, but i wish God wanted them in my life longer than a season. There is always facebook though right?? Of course. 

Im not done with the goodbyes yet, i just have to remember to say See Ya Later....not goodbye. 

:/

My life has been nonstop lately, but i still somehow have found time to be completely emotional roller coastery crazy. How you ask? I dont know.

My past is coming back up. I have had so many friends just jump back up on the band wagon lately. Where are they coming from? My old best friend from high school, and when i say best friend i mean, like stay up on the phone all night, spent every minute together, skipped most classes to go to sonic and the mall, knew everything about each others lives, best friend. He needs me, and i feel like i can help. I feel like I can be that person, that example in his life. Phone conversations are about it since there is a 3000 mile difference. But its good, i have really enjoyed all these folks coming back into my life. Tj too. :) he loves michael and the other ones :)

The emotional roller coaster though is that i am so off. I cant seem to get it together, I am exhausted with so many things going on. I havnt had a night or day off in a cant remember, even when I am away from aiden for an hour, i still have something to do. Its not just down time for me. I just need nikki time. maybe...i dont know. I have a trip planned for home again in October, actually its the last week in Sept and a couple weeks of Oct. I am so happy, my cousin is getting married, we are not super close but she is still family and i love her, i can not wait to enjoy that day, its about freakin time!!! Im thinking i will either LOVE being home again or HATE it. Im praying there will not be any drama like this last time. HE is out of the picture so i dont see anything happening to cause drama, but ya never know. Life is life. So Im hoping for a little more alone time than last time. 

My parents got a new house, and im not sure if im being selfish about it or not, but i am having a hard time adjusting to them being somewhere new. I love the house i grew up in. We were there through my teenage years and there are so many memories, i just can not imagine not being in it again. I plan on just going there when i get home and reliving every memory again. Even if someone new lives there, they will just have to understand. Thats my house dang it!!! I just want to sit in it for a while, possibly cry a little. No matter how much of my past i always say i want to forget, its still there and i remember it, and it made me who i am so i want to keep it i guess. I just love that house. :/

im done.

venting :)

I am a mom, and i think i do a decent job at it. I feel like God gave me my child for a reason, so i do good. I also think that if you are not a parent you have absolutely no right to say anything about parenting. There are hundreds of books, hundreds of comments said daily, hundreds of thoughts from rude people, that really dont know. I am a christian so I am going to raise my son in a Godly home, I am going to teach him right from wrong, Im going to teach him everything i possibly know to give him the knowledge to be in this world. Right now he is 19 months old and he is starting the terrible twos. Its going to be a fun stage, i can feel it. He is absolutely wearing me out, but i discipline him. I tell him no, Im not afraid to spank him no matter where i am, I put him in time outs, I use the ONE...TWO...THREE method, and i think he listens. Yes, he is trying my patience these days, he is making it much harder to be able to punish him with that cute little face. He is trying everything he can possibly do to see if he can get away with it. Thats what they do, I've heard. My mom taught me well, and you better believe I will be teaching my kids the way she taught me. 

So seriously, dont say i dont discipline my child, unless you are a parent, you have no clue, so dont even try. Its rude, its inconsiderate and its down right hurtful as a friend. Thats all I am going to say, i dont know anyway else to put it.

FAMiLY!

I talked to two of my cousins that I have never talked to before, yesterday. It was one of the best days of my life. My cousin Justin found our family a little over a month ago. I talked to my cousin Christy for the first time, I always knew of her but my family never kept in contact with her when her mom moved them away. So, Justin and Christy are brother and sister, they also never knew about each other until yesterday. I know this isnt making much sense, but it so amazing to me. Christy also has a sister named Angela that I also have only talked to once before. Its just been an amazing experience that i never thought would happen. 

Their dad (my uncle) died in 2002. Sadly even before that my grandparents never had any of us keep in contact. Im not sure why, i dont understand the whole story, i was so young when everything happened. 

Im just so glad i have 3 cousins now that were never in my life before. I have so much to learn about them. I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my week update!

Here is my week beginning Tuesday:

Picked up my friends from Redding airport. 4 girls, aiden, and about 8 suitcases fit in my car. Really, i dont know how that happened!!! It was craziness! Spent Tuesday night with with the girls. Took Tj to life group, tina grocery shopping, and then back to socialize. Oh yeah, and picked tj back up from life group. Long, but fun night.

Wednesday night:

Picked up Tina as soon as tj got home, went to the supply house for shampoo, safeway for ice, and then headed to Kevins for a party. More socializing. New people....scare me. But i think i did good.

Thursday:

gym day care from 9-12 rachels to help with some kids, then some shopping for rachel...not me. Picked up tj, ate some din then back over to Kevins for hangout. Oh target was before that. :) fun times. target. :) Decided we should go to san fran. FUN

Friday: spent the morning cleaning and afternoon (5 hours) doing laundry. yup fun. Ran into winco with a sleeping 30 pound kid in my arms for stuff for dinner and made it back home just in time for Joe to walk up the steps. Joe, Kristin and Cory for dinner! Made official plans for San Fran for Saturday! Got everything ready and asleep by 12. 

Saturday:

Got up at 6, left by 6:30, picked up tina and met the boys at Starbucks to head out. Got on the freeway, left my wallet on top of the car. Luckily, we stopped and found everything that was in it, only a few scratches. Praise Jesus! Back on the road to San Fran. AMAZING CITY! AMAZING DAY! i loved everything about it. Even the 8 hours of walking. It was beautiful. Amazing food, great fellowship with friends. Two new friends, Jin and John. Such a great time. :) Left, stopped off for some BOMB hamburgers :) Made it home by 12:07! Nice. 

Sunday: (today) 

Got up at 8. switched off bathroom time between tina and tj. It was surprisingly easy! Made it to church only 5 minutes late! Awesome worship, an amazing message from the Lord. I love how wonderfully Nate speaks, he is so easy to follow! I loved the message today. :) very needed! Had some tri-tip for lunch, first time i have ever enjoyed it! YUM. Now we are home, relaxing until 4:15 when we head back to the stirring for Jr. High.

All of that has been my week. I have loved every minute of it!! It has been non stop, but amazing. I typed it all down mainly because i have a terrible memory and i want to remember this week full of great friends and fun. Also, for your enjoyment :) love love love!

I just want to say that Tj and I have the most amazing friends ever :)

I am so blessed to have come so far from home and still have friends that are just as close as family :) When you know we are going through a rough time, you help, and i am so thankful :)

Whoever put that blessing on our dresser last week, you are a blessing yourself. I thank you, im so grateful for you, and love you dearly.

Love.love.Love

i love jesus.

he is so amazing.

he is going to take care of us.

i love him. 

i love him.

i love him.

I have this problem. Sometimes i hold grudges to the extent of not speaking to someone for years, and then other people, i let walk all over me. Again and again. I dont know what i was thinking trying to allow things to be like they were back then. I can not keep letting my gaurd down and assuming things will be different. I put people up on a pedestal and i can not do that. I dont know if i will ever learn. I do this all the time. Its so hard for me to balance out my relationships with people. I know that eventually i will be able to let it go, let him go, get the closure i need to just put it aside. We wanted to work it out with him, but we just cant, and apparently thats what God wants. I just dont know what else to do. I can not be the only one giving, with him just taking. GRRR. It broke me today.

SO much drama, i dont know why i put myself into it. Lose one thing over another and i just cant get passed it. I want this to be over. I want these feelings to be gone, i want to have a normal day with my nerves not shot. I have to stop giving people chances, because in the end, i can not rely on them. I really truley cant.

He knew all along!

Why is it when you are in a new (old) place, the past just attacks you like a bomb? I drive down certain roads and laugh. I went around that crazy turn on the freeway and remembered when Andy used to go around it at like 120 miles an hour, and i used to sware i was going to die that night. Every night. lol I drove by my old schools...wow, have i grown. Crazy times, i must say. Mine and Tjs first apartment with our drugdealer nieghbors. Fun times. It just so weird how life changes so quickly. It reminded me of all the things God has saved me from. Most of the time i hated the way things turned out and always hoped for a difference. But God didnt give me those boyfriends, or take me to those parties because he had something in store for me that i couldnt imagine. Now, im so grateful. As much fun as the past was, i love my present. I love that some people are still in the present too, because they will be lifelong friends. :) Im just so grateful that i listened to God, although i was very stubborn, i still eventually made it through.

It has taken me a very long time to write, sorry. This is literally the first time I have had alone time to think about what I wanted to write.
So I am in Pensacola. Something I had been counting every second for. Its just not the same though. I mean it does feel like Ive never left, but at the same time it just doesnt feel right. Im not comfortable anymore. I truley miss home. As in Redding. Home. :) I bet that makes some of you guys that read this happy. I do love being here, being with my mom and spending time with my friends, but it isnt the same. It makes me happy to know that too. Its very obvious to me now that this isnt my home anymore. That God has placed us in Redding for a reason. I do want to be back here some day if the Lord calls us to be, but for now, i am so happy with where i am. Although as i am typing this, im thinking in my perfect world, i would be in redding and my mommy would be there too. I wish this could be perfect. My mommy. Oh i have missed her. If i could spend every second with her, i would.

My friends havnt changed, I already had the odd saddness of a hurtful night. Nothing has changed. It was no ones fault, but my emotions were all over the place. All i wanted to do was lay in MY BED and cry. I had no where to just lay and cry, it made me want to be home so bad. Even though i am still struggling with many things in redding, i wanted nothing more than for that moment to be in my bed crying with my hubby. Im starting to think that maybe the reasons i havnt had the hurt there that i am feeling here is because i dont have anyone that i have let get that close to me. Is that a good or a bad thing? I havnt decided. I mean, my friends here i hold so dear to me that i allow them to hurt me because i am so attached to them. In redding though, everyone is on the same level and i dont have one certain person that i expect too much from. Maybe that is a good thing then. Im starting to think that having lots of really close friends is better than having one best friend, because then i expect too much from that one person. I just cant believe how much i have grown in the past 8 months, to have such a change in me about so many things. I cant explain it.

This is all over the place. sorry. This is so very much for me, not everyone to understand.

I think for so long i have put certain people on a pedestal and that just isnt right. Its making me see that there is only one person that i should put my trust into. I cant lean on these other people to make me happy. I just need my Jesus. He is the one that will NEVER let me down. He is my strong tower. :)

2 more weeks and i will be home, and i can not wait. :)

this is how big my little baby is getting:

Yesterday morning and this morning he brings me his potty because he wants to sit on it like a big boy...he goes potty and (number 2) both mornings :)

I was blowing my nose earlier (allergies grrrr.) so he picks up a kleenex to and puts it to his nose to blow his own nose :)

He is sitting at the table in a booster seat, no more high chair :)

His newest words are car (pronounced car) and cracker (pronounced ca ca) lol!!!! :)

I just cant believe how quickly he is growing...if you havnt seen him in a while and you are not 3000 miles away, you need to come see him because you are missing out on such a wonderful little boy!

Thats all :)

Love!